Maebius Musings

I have been attending services at our local UU church for just about two months now, and have even helped out in the kids program after showing an aptitude/interest for “kid friendliness” playing outside with my own son after the services. It’s a nice place!

However, the more I am studying up on UU principles, the more I fear that initial “Yay My Group!” feeling I had towards them is shifting to a sideways “eh, nice group” feeling.

It is nothing against the church. The services are varied and interesting, and welcoming of all manner of faiths. Over the weeks I’ve met a “hardcore wiccan” and a muslim from Pakistan who all meet up for community and fellowship each sunday. The coffee-chatter time is enlightening, as are the somewhat open-ended “sermons”. Yet, for myself, that openness does not fill the void I am finding in my spiritual practice.

I initially started ‘going to church’ again in order to help my son experience a faith-based community and education. In this regard, things are Great. For myself, the lack of steady ritual, beyond a simple candle-lighting, feels almost shallow. As if there is definitely spirit there, but not quite the Divine Spirit (capital S).

I am thinking the flow and content of the services is intentional, to allow for all faiths to pray as they see fit, and the vague wordings towards “Spirit” or “Higher Power” are well suited for personal perspective. Yet, in allowing all paths in, the road is over-broad and unrestrained.

I find I miss my old Lutheran services, or at least parts of them. The hymns, the processions, and the Pageantry of it all is distinctly lacking in the UU church (by design?). Yet it is what which drew me to serve as an assistant minister as a youth. I felt the power and draw of United Ritual, and knew it to be Godly.

Later, when my Path led be outside definitive Christianity, I simply changed the image of God in my head. I realized, deep down, I still held on to the appeal of Ritual.

Perhaps this is why I love drum-circles so much. While the rhythms and ’songs’ are spontaneous, there is an almost standardized “flow” to them that seems ritualized, regardless of the participants. Likewise, some of my most powerful Spiritual Experiences have been during a more formalized ritual.

Going back to the topic of the UU church, I still get the sense that there are groups operating within the UU congregation/community, but have not integrated with them yet to feel welcome and invited. Almost every weekday, the church has something happening, yoga, Spiral Scouts, CUUPS, garden club, Bingo night, etc.

I still feel there is some potentized Spirit available within that church community, if I can shed my “visitor” feeling. However, the actual sunday services have gone from being spiritual meetings to Community meetings. This does not discredit them for what they are. It merely took me a few months to realize my own goals were slightly different than what I originally sought out by going to Church.

In summary, I’m discovering that I still need to find a “church” outside of “church”.

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I am not a morning person.  Morning people confuse and confound me.  Yet I am becoming one in the very near future due to my job.

In general, I have long maintained that my perfect “work shift” is 4pm-midnight, with the option to sleep in until around 10:00am.  If left to my own devices in one of those sleep-study caves, this is generally the time-frame Iwould gravitate to with my schedule.   I feel most productive just around dinner time, and early evening.

The quiet of the evening, with darkness settling in like a comfortable blanket of non-light, helping to focus my attentions and remove distractions of daily life.  That is zen to me.   Lamplight or candlelight with the soft glow of a monitor is comforting.

Yet soon, within a month or so, I will be adjusting to a completely different sleep cycle.   I had a taste of it these past two weeks.   4am-noon.  Blech!

I understand, intellectually, the concept of waking with hte sun bringing a promise to a new day, and all that.  I admit I’ve heard the “whole day before you” inspirations.  But I found I still don’t like it.

Mornings are when everything bustles up, revs into gear, and starts moving.  The birds sing, Life Happens, and folks start their day.    With this new shift, those things mean I’m halfway through and get to go home soon.

If I want to spend any time with my family on this new shift, I try to stay awake until dinner time, to join in on board games, book reading, and such.    I’m finding that this also means I get around 5 hours of good sleep, and taking a short nap from 1-3pm just makes me over-tired and washed out during dinner.

So if this blog starts to ramble a bit or sound slightly incoherent in January, blame early mornings.

I plan to. 

I’ll take the sunsets any day. [pun intended]

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Well, I am shifting my schedule at work, to one which brings me no real joy, other than that of continued employment.   This is one reason I hadn’t blogged yet this week, and most likely will be a bit light on the ‘daily post’ challenge I made myself earlier in the month, until I get my sleep patterns coordinated again.   4am-noon is a horrible timeframe to be awake, which leaves me two chunks of 4 hours by which to get my regular dream-time accomplished. To whit: before kid gets home from school, and after he is asleep before I go to work, since I want to have some awake-time with him in the afternoons.  Wish me luck!

This somewhat foul-mood-towards-corporate-employment made the most recent XKCD comic (hotlinked below) strike a cynical nerve, and rings all too true for me. Enjoy!

However, in other news, I read this article on TreeHugger blog, about an artist who visited both the ‘dirtiest’ most polluted city in the world, and one of the cleanest/purist.   The observation that stood out to me is how people there lived.  Interesting read -> right here.

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Due to some mis-planned lack of vacation over the course of the year, I found myself with over four weeks of paid time for work, which I needed to use up before the end of September.   The end result of this is I’ve been working either half-days at night-shift, or staying home completely for the last two weeks.

I noticed some interesting personal habits during this time, not least of which is that this vacation-time has been filled by camping, travel, and a surprising lack of actual “stay at home time”, which I had expected.

Initially, I spent the first day or two just lounging around.  I played on the computer late at night, I slept in (relatively speaking) with the kid during the day, and otherwise didn’t do a whole lot of anything that might be easily called “productive”.

Then the cabin fever started to kick in.  Either that or the guilt of letting dishes pile up.

The few days I was at work (today and tomorrow) actually feels enjoyable, which surprised me.   I also had found myself spontaneously making plans for chores around the house, like vacuuming the upstairs, mowing the lawn on my day off, and other such stuff that usually gets reserved for weekend free-time.

It’s actually kind-of neat, and strangely telling, how once the initial joy of non-work fades away after a few days, I naturally try to fill the time again with stuff resembling ‘work’ that is usually avoided when hip-deep in “real job” daily life schedules.

I’m not alone in this, according to many many anecdotal stories of self-employd people, retired family&friends, and other blogs.

Must be a natural part of the human condition, to constantly adapt to change, and fill that time with “stuff”.

It makes me realize a bit how before the modern 9-5 job was forced upon us as a societal norm, the old artisans could afford to spend hours and hours of their craftmenship.  Perhaps it was more than just working for a living, with a pride in their craft.   Perhaps it’s human nature to “do stuff”.

It’s just a matter of making sure the “stuff” we do is healthy, beneficial, and encouraging, lest we fall into bad habits.

Habits, after all, are habit-forming.  

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For lack of a more in-depth musing today, I think I’ll go with a few short questions on random thought-provoking topics.

I do not agree with them all, but considering WHY you agree or disagree with the thoughts below can lead to some interesting revelations.  …. I hope

First, Dilbert creator Scott Adams ponders a future set of Rights that old people are allowed.  Namely, access to drugs and euthanasia.   Sadly, I see too many comments telling him he’s an idiot for making old people get killed, when I think his actual thought was to allow the Right to an assisted death, not forcing a certain age limit to undergo such things, especially in light of the numbers on HealthCare weighing heavily towards the elderly being expensive to upkeep.  Agree or Disagree? http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/the_extra_legal_age/

Second, After reading book 3 of the Twilight series (yes, I read it, and no, I am NOT a fanboi, but it’s humorous and entertaining while stuck night-shift at work) there’s one comment about the vampire boyfriend wanting to get married to the overly emotional girlfriend, and waiting to preserve her Virtue since his soul was eternally doomed (in his mind).  He carried older customs and Traditions on marriage and sex, but at 17 considers himself a man as would be true in his original timeframe. She is more accepting and modern in her views, and is hesitant to “marry fresh out of highschool”, but still wants some carnal adventures right now with the man she loves.    It made me wonder, Did the incidence of early marriage help foster a culture of deeper social bonding and compromise?  Getting stuck with someone at a younger age may have limited freedoms, but encouraged unselfish support and social networking much better than today’s carefree internet-fad swinging lifestyle?  Or is it just me starting to feel old-fashioned?

Thirdly, I wonder what would happen if the usual 9-5 workday was replaced with something more common in subtropical zones like Mexico, which involve a mid-day siesta.    I understand the reason for such a break in those climates is to avoid the hottest part of the day, and do manual work in the cooler morning/evening hours.   Still, would the break up of a long workday cause a drastic and unwanted drop in productivity, or would it actually increase productivity in the long term, by allowing a mental break and relief from daily stressors?    Would us  North American types simply fall into a pattern of even MORE long hours?  I think we would, in the short term.   But I think overall we’d adjust.       On a related topic, how would schooling and education have to change to deal with such a shift in schedule?!

Fourthly, That old question about woodchucks and chucking wood fails to be answerable in one immensely important detail.   When asking hte quantity of wood being chucked, and implying the successful ability of chucking for said woodchuck, what timeframe is used to determine an answer.   This unknown variable leads to a huge disparity in relative results.    Wonder why no one else caught such an obvious hole before now?!

…and with that, my night-shift brain has officially reached it’s limit of musing for today.

Back to a relatively normal routine next week.  See you on the flipside!

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This weekend was one of many activities and adventures.  The least, (or greatest) of which was the Summer solstice, longest day of the year in this region of the globe.

Saturday, the kid had two birthday parties to attend, and I had been working night-shift so got precious few hours of sleep that ‘morning’.   The first was at our neighbor’s house, so was a quick walk down the road.

That party was lots of fun for both the kids and adults.  They emptied out their 2-car garage and decorated it with crepe-paper streamers and ribbons, signs, and a few balloons.  Outside was the well-known play set, growing each year and starting to rival thenearby public park in complexity and size, plus a giant trampoline with safety netting installed so securely that even the adults could almost bounce off it.

Also, was “Mister E”. and his side-kick clown “No-No”, which the kids absolutely LOVED!   His assistant, (9 r old son) was a classic semi-depressed, beaten-down clown who’s character wanted to be a big star.  The magician himself was very much a performer, and had the roudy group of kids yelling and laughing along with his act for the better part of an hour.    Yours truly got to be on stage as the unprompted “brave volunteer”, which involved me dressing up like a rooster (hat, beak, gloves and plunger-tail) and crowing “COCKADOODLEDOOOO” randomly throughout a funny little song and dance.   Of course those who know me, can probably imagine the shy, withdrawn manner in which I acted out this role (not!)   Peter Pan himself had nothing on my crowing!     (Youtube video forthcoming once I get a copy from the neighbors!).   I also was told my the wife-neighbor that her husband atmitted he’d live to see me actually drunk sometime, after joining all the kids in a rousing sack-race and other yard activities.  I’m a sucker for kid-games and just had to join in with the trampoline and other festivities while the other adults stood around chatting. 

With a short hour between the end of this party and another more subdued one at the local Gymnastics studio, we washed up, changed out of the fairly muddy kid and hopped back in the car.    That party only had a handful of kids (which was somewhat sad, because the birthday boy is one of the shy quiet types, and not getting a huge turnout must surely re-enforce the issue) but was filled with lots of running around at the gymnastics center, including a huge parachute they played with, and lots of climbing.  When it was time for cake and presents, everyone was breathing hard and smiling brightly.

The evening, my wife had gone and picked up a bobcat skid-loader and the next two days were pretty much filled with either sleeping, or helping move dirt and rocks around the property, as well as shoveling out 2 years worth of layered manure in the barn (about a foot deep in most spots).

aside:  While this may sound kinda gross, horse manure is pretty clean stuff, and in the barn it compacts and dries pretty quickly into the consistancy of damp potting soil mixed with broken up hay.   We allow it to accumulate over the winter for a number of reasons, including it making a softer walking surface than solid cement, and the composting action vaguely warms up the barn in winter.  This is one of those things that works well for us, but some city-folks tend to scoff at as icky or laziness.  C’est la vie.

Sunday itself, was mostly full of Bobcatting (is that a real verb?) stuff, and sleeping in in the morning.   I’m on night-shift two or three days a week, which basically wrecks my sleep-schedule hardcore.  If it was all week I could adapt, but swapping from day to night shift mid-week twice (meaning two days I go in 8am-5pm, then return at midnight that ‘evening’) last week is really tough.  Yesterday I almost fell asleep AT work, and then when I got home I fell into some time-warp and 9 hours passed without me even blinking, so deep and powerful was my slumber. 

In addition to cleaning out the majority of the barn, we used the Bobcat to remove some pesky large rocks or clumps of brambles from the yard/pasture/field.  Also, we have a rock retaining wall that has started to crumble, so we moved quite a lot of dirt and manure to this edge and started back-filling it in.   Eventually, the dangerous cliff with a pile of rusty ragged metal and tire-scraps will be converted to a much more aesthetic hill, for sledding and wildflower gardens.

Father’s Day celebrations were delayed slightly due to schedules and work needing down when we had the rented power-mover (plus I forgot about it until the afternoon).   Likewise, I celebrated the summer Solstice with a nice bonfire and sitting outside watching the sunset Monday evening.

After the rest of the family went to sleep, I got dressed for work, played on the computer for an hour or so, then went outside to sit under the stars.  For the first time in a while, there was nothing Flat about the experience.  I’ll write up those particular details in another post tonight.

Until then, happy Summer, and may your nights be long and peaceful!

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*UPDATE* it seems the new blog feed worked!  approx 15 minutes after publishing the post here, my RSS reader lit up with “new bost on Maebius Musing”.   w00t!

As the first actual post to be entered in the new Wordpress site, I figured I would keep it simple. That, plus it’s been a while since I updated here, due to technical difficulties, life-events, and other such things.

On the World of Warcraft game, my priestess healer has been at max-level for quite a while, and is all-but retired lately, other than to craft new bags for any alts, or sometimes join a few instance dungeons whne I’m feeling like being online for more than an hour or so.   Otherwise, my troll hunter Nookni just turned lvl 79 and is slowly working his way up to lvl 80.    Besides Nookni, still working slooooowly on Pohatu the druid, hoping to get him to lvl 40 by the end of June.  I’m only logging in about an hour or two, a few times a week, but not nearly as much time as usual, or necessary to actually concentrate on levelling up and such.  I’ve semi-lost interest in the meta-game itself, and just enjoy logging in to unwind before bed, alone, just me and my pixels, solo in an MMO.

The garden is doing good so far, with everything planted, and the only thing left is to allow the passage of time.  Very few weeds so far this year, and what did start to pop up got nipped in the sproutling stage so far.  My son’s been helping with that chore too, since he learned about gardens in schoool and now understands hte interest in making sure the plants grow so we get food later in the autumn.    Unfortunately, all the squash/zucchini plants wilted overnight on Monday for some unknown reason, since all the other plants were fine.

Once the full moon rolls around, I plan on re-starting my outdoor MoonMuse experiment, and document such thoughts every single day.  Wish me luck.

Spiritually, I’ve been in a bit of a funk myself.  Blogs have been quiet, which seems to indicate either the feeling is shared among those I read, or life got exciting for everyone too.  Either way, it’s interesting pattern, though potentially unrelated, since it is also exam time for school-age folks, and vacation season for us family-types.

Nothing great to report lately.  However nothing overtly bad either, outside of a few ‘cryptic’ events to some good friends that we are still sending energy too until the situation resolves or re-balances out.

For now, for me,  it’s good enough to be just good enough.

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Last night’s sitting outside was cold, wet, and windy as all heck, so became more of a sitting on the porch with the windows open. I did not do much thinking of deep thoughts, nor have any brilliant insights. It was simply a nice stress-freeing bit of down-time, which was really the reason I started this daily practice.

In other news, I reset the theme for this blog temporarily, in order to try and get the RSS feeds working. I had put in a support ticket to my web-host, but they said they do not support Wordpress plugins, so I’m on my own. The strange thing is the provider SUPPLIES an automated install of Wordpress, which I used, yet am now told they don’t actually support it and I should just try to uninstall/reinstall.

I’m too worried about the effort of backup up the entire website database and re-installing it from scratch. I have everything backed up on a weekly basis anyway, but the effort to go through and re-create the databases initially is not worth it just quite yet.

Hopefully the old green theme will be back next week, once I troubleshoot some things on this end first.

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Not much to report today.

I sat outside, tried hard not to fall asleep and just zone out, and realized after not getting very many consecutive hours of rest while working the midnight shift at work, I was just too darn tired for much more than catching up on more ZZZ’s.

Tried reading a bit of a book, stared at the same page for what felt like an hour, then figured zen-practice can wait until tomorrow.

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Nettle made a comment in a prior post about something I said, and have now used as the subject of this post, regarding my brain being weird.

Not to disappoint, my night-shift sleep-deprived right-brain then suddenly began an intense conversation with my left brain to go sod off somewhere while it played. After flouncing around with the first two verses completely spontaneously, it shackled the left-brain again to listen up and contribute to the joint effort and come up with a rhyme for Sartre (which does in fact, rhyme with “apple tart”) and then, consequently, the first parts of that particular verse.

The first draft of this little bit of mental gymnastics is found below. While it’s not quite Xanadu with it’s stately pleasure domes, don’t say I didn’t warn you!! This whole poem popped into being within about 10 minutes, and flowed all-but intact in concept as I typed… then I had to go back and edit it to conform to the initial lettering pattern I noticed in the first two verses which were [unintentionally?] the same.

One thing I know, my brain is weird
But not as much as I had feared.
It takes such random stimuli
From tongue and finger, ear, and eye
Transforming muddiness to cleared.

OBIFT the letters from the first verse,
By normal terms, not a word, much worse,
I could form it into mantra text
Freely spoken, though others vexed
To get the depth in such so terse.

Twice now I used five selfsame starts
For yet the third time drifts apart
Inspired by a blog-post Dream
Began this poem’s rhyming scheme
Oh, may relate to Sartre !?!

Till more research is done tonight
Final findings won’t come to light
In addled brain they bounce around
Boing boing, then suddenly they’re found
On further dreams and posts I write.

Now, back to work I go!

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