Maebius Musings

Quick ranty muse today… Just returned from the Beach and still working on unpacking, getting caught up of stuff like laundry and job-workload here, plus a spontaneous new-moon celebration last night….

While at the beach, and even driving home, I’d been thinking a lot about our recent adventures at Drum and Splash, and the related re-boot of my spiritual practice.  While it’s easy to say “work sucks”, it’s settling in my head that the issue is deeper than just disliking my current job due to stress and workload.  It’s a lack of gratification at my job, or something akin to a revulsion of the entire structure of “corporate life”.   It just doesn’t make sense, in a soul-healthy way.

I love the actual work stuff, such as fixing computers for people, and troubleshooting tricky software glitches.  It’s the hoops and red tape that prevent us in certain ways from helping, or resolving root-causes in leu of approved work-around fixes that messes with my happiness.

I don’t get it, beyond “contractual bottom-line-thinking”, these alien processes and thoughts in the name of “customer support”.

It also made me think of something I read recently by Aquila ka Hecate, who was paraphrasing Terence McKenna: “It’s one thing” he said “To change your life to become kinder to your neighbours. It’s entirely another thing to change your life to become incomprehensible to ninety percent of humans.”

It’s as thought I put on a pair of fancy amber-tinted polarized glasses recently.  The greens of the garden, the blue of the sky, and the fog rolling in over the ocean were clearer and more vibrant the longer I look.  Back at home, my workplace was cheery and welcoming, even as my own desk seemed somehow apart from the row of cubicles it belongs to.  Perhaps, because it is Mine, that it stands out in my heart and inner-eye.  Perhaps it’s the little scrying-shell shrine and potted plants that make it slightly less sterile compared to the paper-strewn neighbors.

Whatever the reason, I’m finding it more difficult to talk to my boss about such things as procedures and protocol.  Even this morning, my co-worker and I were called in for 1-on-1 chats to ‘coach’ us on something we need to start doing that will cause us more work for arguably little benefit beyond extra record-keeping and productivity charts.  Both of us feel this new database, a glorified hourly punch-card, serves nothing beyond making sure the two of us share the workload evenly (and other offices do similarly).  I explained my thoughts that if the work is done, and we can’t be trusted to be a team ourselves, what does the manager do? Why create a database that collects information from our workorders that we ALREADY fill out with minutes and time-spent?   The reason,  we are contractors, and our parent company doesn’t use the workorder system we use, so they need an outside method of tracking our time?!?!

Things like that, I just don’t understand.

At the beach, we brought a lot of food to cook ourselves, in order to save money by not eating out each meal.   The grass-fed beef, the garden veggies, and even the store-bought sides were almost tastier than those from the nearby diner (which was also very good).

Lunch, was either burgers or BLT sandwiches.  Sadly, the comment was made about needing to get some more tomatoes from the store, as the ones we brought were irregularly shaped and smallish.  We used them anyway, secretly in the next batch of sandwiches, which were found to be just as yummy and delicious as the other batch. Likewise, the steaks and burgers were tasty Without adding a packet of pre-mixed spices to them before cooking.

Is the world so commercialized that folks can not see beyond the supermarket?

Now that I’ve got my glasses on, and my eyes open,  I fear for the sanity of the wilder world more and more.   No wonder people stand is streetcorners with sandwich-boards proclaiming the End Times.

It’s not ending, but it’s gonna change whether we are ready or not.   I hope there’s enough of us wearing polarized glasses to continue our  party as long as we can, and get our day in the sun. 

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I’ve hesitated to keep this entry private, or post it for commentary, because it’s a bit more personal and still feels a bit scary for me.  Paradigm shifts are tough.     Forgive any rambling uncoordinated phrasing and paragraph structure. I’ve re-written it twice now since last Tuesday…    It’s a wall of text.

I’ve always loved fire circles.  Sitting around a campfire,whether roasting marshmallows with friends and family, or drumming and dancing for alchemical transformation, are soothing and soul-healing events in any flavour. Continue Reading »

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As a followup to this post, I’d like to describe a bit of the awesome magical experiences that were, well, experienced there.

First, let me just say that the Four Quarter Farm is one of the nicest places I’ve ever attended a festival, both mundane or pagan-friendly.  It’s a bit hilly, and my legs were a bit put off by the walking on Friday, but it was a good kind of sore. Continue Reading »

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Just testing a new widget I got which actually fixes the ability to embed YouTube and other video files in this blog.

As summer rolls on, remember to Dream carefree, and embrace the wonder of life.

That’s my goal for this July 4th.   To celebrate the freedoms we have in this country, reardless of it’s failings.

We are all immigrants here, all radical activists, and all different.    Celebrate it.  The best things are free, but free doesn’t always mean easy.

I am off to pack and prepare for Drum and Splash.  See you back online monday!

If you want more of my qwirky musical tastes,  here’s My Library on Last.FM   I’d recommend skipping ahead to random tracks, if you don’t like the one it loads.  I have a  pretty eclectic mix!    Enjoy!

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As requested by Nettle, I’ve tried to do a lot more “receptive” sitting, rather than “directive” meditations for the past few days, and wanted to put a brief status report here, for commentary and my own records. Progress is unfinished of course (is it ever?!) but I’m noticing a trend I wanted to muse about.

At first, over the weekend, I had a little success with such things.   I tend to just try listening to the surroundings, feeling the breeze, and such, but it always seems slightly shallow.   I exist, and I relax, but the nagging bit of my brain continues to pester me about Doing something.  It’s going to be a tough nut to crack, after decades of training otherwise.     Still, I consider the attempts a success if I merely relax, de-stress, and end the session feeling a little more grounded and present, even if no overwhelming (or subtle) energetic flows are detected.

Then, last two nights, utilizing a hunk of magnetite and a small crystal to help balance and tune in to energies (as suggested elsewhere), I felt something different than my normal mundane-ness.   I felt sloshy.

You know that feeling when you are driving with a soft tire, or a slightly icy road (or perhaps buzzed on alcohol) where you still have control of the car, but turns seem a bit loose and, well,  sloshy?  That’s how I felt.  I was able to recreate it today too at work, by sitting alone in the computer room for 5 minutes.  The world was wobbly, but in somewhat of a good way, yet still kinda scary due to a vague loss of control.  I couldn’t focus on the feeling much, other than experience it, and I’m not entirely sure it feels “correct” if that makes sense.

To shake the sloshy feeling, I decided to try a more directed Shield/Egg/Circle -meditation, since it felt a bit more familiar.  But that still felt flat and only canceled out the slosh by waking up my inner-critic.

I’m still thinking to myself something else should be happening, as described in the various books, conversations, and such.  I should be feeling a flow of energy, a grounded connection with the Universe, or a lightening of the spirit.  Instead, I get a sense of chaotic almost-control….   Sloshy.

Hmmm….

(cue inner-critic complaining I’m doing it wrong, then bash him upside the head with self-rationalization, and stir 2 parts overtired giddiness.  Pour over ice-doubt and drink.  That might explain things too. )  Seems I need quite a bit of practice in these new techniques.

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Inspiration From my Hops Bine about Life
Written over the weekend, while working night-shift at work, and conceptually inspired during the Full “Strawberry” Moon while I sat outside staring at the sky.

The spring warmth and fires of inspiration call to your mind, stirring you to action, towards results, towards your Goal.  Softly, yet with the speed of new-found excitement, you spread the first green leaves of purpose out, collecting the sun, gathering energy for the final project, and setting the groundwork for the work to come.

Your roots, anchor in the the landscape of your life, drawing in the richness that surrounds you.  Harnessing the bounty of Gaia.  The minerals, the organic life that has gone before you, fueling your fire, holding you as you reach out towards Creation.

And reach out you do.  Tendrils of greenery, seeking purchase on the supports placed around your life.  Climbing, ever upwards towards your results, and enveloping the potential with ever-growing leaves.

Summer stretches onward, and your goal is in sight.  The efforts of the climb are not in vain, and have graced you with vibrant energy, from the sun, from the earth, from the winds, from the rain even.  Brief storms have only thickened the vines you cling with, and the hot dry days only illuminate your leaves further.

Days, weeks, months even may pass, but time passes and you persevere.

The first buds sprout out, in joyous celebration.  The energy you harnessed is confirmed to form. Your goal, whatever it may have been in this analogy of life, is finally at hand.

Creation happens.

You flower.

…

The wind turns cooler, and rains frequent the ground you grow upon.    You reap the harvest of your actions.

Snows may come, blanketing the core of you.  Seeming to bring death to those vines which prospered so recently and bore fruits and flowers.   But death to those simple vines merely paves the way.   Winter is a mere sleep, a regathering of light, and a watering of the earth you lie upon.  Your roots remain strong and vibrant.

While the harvest you created is lost to Time’s relentless arrow, it lives on in memory and muse.

One day, soon, spring will dawn again.

A new project inspires you.

You flower again.

..and again.

Timeless.

this is magic.

-Maebius   @2009

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Saturday, we attended the spring Share Festival. Camping, bands, and cool people in a safe family-friendly park just hanging out and chilling for a time. Of course, unfortunately, the weather was a bit less than ideal for such outdoor adventures, so we spent most of the caravan trying to stay dry.

During the day it was a bit clearer, and I spent a good deal of time just laying in the bed and playing Pokemon Diamond on the shared DS system. My wife finished book 4 of Twilight, and we kept an eye on our son who spent a good 3 hours in the playground area of the park being a kid and enjoying time with other kids under minimal supervision. He absolutely LOVED the free range kid-time, and only wandered back to the campsite a few times for a snack or to ask us to help him in the porta-potties.

That evening, with the band jamming until 11 and the rain getting progressively more monsoon-like, we all retired to the caravan to sleep. I sat for a time in the front seat, just watching the trees sway in the darkness and listening to the pounding rain on the rooftop.

The wind grew, and the outside faded to a grey wall of vaguely shifting shadows. Buckets of water poured around us, and it was hard to hear myself even think, much less try to quietly meditate. Instead, I tried to just shut off my brain and lose myself in the white noise.

Branches peered out from the darkness, then were gone, then back again. The noise, at first a seemingly constant din of pounding drops,could be heard to ebb and flow, rise and fall in a complex pattern of wind and water. The car itself rocked and shuddered at each gust, resounding at times with a furious -CRACK- from the tarp tied over the back window for easier dark-sleeping.

I felt a primal exhilaration in the tempest, and released my mind to it. I danced among the storm-whipped treetops. I flashed with the thundering flashes of lightning, and I hovered, darting amidst the other campsites as some alien hummingbird seeking nectar from the tents around us.

For a time, not sure how long, having no clocks in this stormy darkness, I darted and played, mentally, in the wild energies around us, then returned my focus to the car-seat again, smiling like a fool, and giddy with the power raised and tingling in my fingers.

I found I had been unwinding a length of hemp twine that had been leftover from one of my son’s crafts earlier that day. I had unwoven it to single thin strand, and then knotted the strands together again into a long chain. This, I suddenly felt, would go around my wrist. Each knot typing up some of this wildness and empowering it as a potent charm. Wordlessly, I tied the finished bracelet around my wrist, knowing it was imbued with Potential, and would be worn as a reminder of the Charm until it fell off.

Because it is meant to fall off, probably within the next week, as the strands are thin and already frayed. If the weather reports are to be believed, it will be sunny and much warmer than when it was created.
The storm will have passed. It will be free.

((good luck B, this one’s for you))

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Day two of my outdoor moon-gazing was slightly hampered by the fact I got paged in to work night-shift for the next few days. Getting up to be at work from midnight-8am tends to mess up my schedule a bit, so when I sat outside, I promptly fell asleep and woke up a good 20 minutes later freezing my butt off (this morning, there is frost on the grass!!)

Nothing much to report today. Going to finish up my work-day, then go pass out in bed and wake up just in time for dinner tonight.

..zzZZzz..zzZZzz..

PS: I figured out the little dream-note from yesterday. (Either that or am getting good at rationalizing connections to unrelated imagery.) The owl, and the tea linked themselves in my memory to some recent semi-thoughts about this whole faerie connection practice I’m on. There’s quite a bit of trepidation on my part, for some reason I can’t quite put into proper words, but most likely due to it being a shift in my worldview that is tough to get wrapped around. It’s something akin to a loss of control, seeing Otherlings instead of Inner-Reflection-Aspects (how I originally thought of the Fae).

As my geek-mind sorted out the message yesterday, it kept coming around to the same place, which I initially discounted as too silly and fictional to be a Real Message. It fits, though, and for those who get the reference, while I did not fight my way past any goblin city, there may be dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, and I DO remember the last line of that quote… Yet, the note (GK?, really?! come on silly fae) said to forget it for a short time, in a non-malicious way. It totally makes sense.
Nettle said once: ‘Remember that the imagination is a sensory organ. Information comes through our sense organs and is interpreted and sorted out by consciousness.‘ I’m guessing my consciousness needs such strange symbolisms and not-quite-silly connections to get things like this noticed and not immediately dismissed as irrational because they are so unusual. Hmm…?? *grin*

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Just a quick video clip I found… which was awesome.

The subject is a bit of paraphrasing on a picturing being worth 1000 words. I’m guessing an animation is worth a few more than that.

http://www.babelgum.com/html/clip.php?clipId=147374

My favorite ‘clip’ is the one with the ‘mirror’, though the toast is pretty neat also.

also: The sprogling and his ducks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrm9_0hxqfk

Enjoy!

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Yesterday, I was cleaning up my desk at work and re-arranged the little semi-altar spot with a few less wintery things and a few more springy things, but somehow it turned out less Brightly Spring and more “Spring evening“. I do this either when the muse strikes me, or about four times a year. I don’t actually adhere to a strict calendar of Beltaine/Samhain decorations at work, but keep it more subdued and only change it when I look and think “Oh, I should change that“. It’s better that way, I think. (click pictures for full-size)

To the ever-present cactus pot and ficus sproutling (raised from a cutting of a cutting of a cutting, with the ‘parent cuttings’ also visible on my desk), I had added a clam-shell that I found in a box of random junk from home while spring cleaning there, and a chicken bone we found in my back yard and picked up so the dog wouldn’t, plus replaced a few assorted rocks from the “bunch of collected rocks” I have.

To the clam shell, I added 4 chunks of rock-salt that were still sitting in the sandy gravel in the parking lot. (Usually, our workplace de-ices the lot with sand and slag-ash, which I then collect in buckets to augment our soil or fill flowerpots for seedlings. Unfortunately, in the last big unexpected freezing rain, the trucks apparently flung rock-salt crystals, which means the tonnes of sand still being swept into piles around the lot are useless for planting in now.)

While puttering this morning, I noticed the mood was rather darker (not necessarily bad) than the original “spring brightness”, but continued fiddling with things until it felt right. To the shell, I added about a half ounce of tap-water which started dissolving the salt crystals and made a really neat swirly pattern as the different densities swirled and mingled in the ‘bowl’. After watching this for few moments, I was inspired to drip a few drops of 100% Pomegranate juice into the shell.

Let me say the effect of that crimson liquid was immediate, unexpected, and powerful. My fingers tingled, the hair on my neck tingled, and I got that “Real Magic” feeling. My eyes were drawn into the impossibly deep pool of water as the pigments swirled and spread out. I felt myself lean into the pool, hesitate a moment to consider the fact I’m still at work, then shrugged and allowed myself to ‘fall in’ visually. Quite a visceral scrying experience!

In the depths, I saw a hillside bathed in just-morning light, red and welcoming, then a huge bonfire sprung up off to the side. Then a series of smaller fires flickered in and out over the course of a few seconds, as if an assembled army or pagan gathering were making cookfires in the field where a central Drumcircle-fire was built, but the cookfires sped up to fire-fly flashes while the central bonfire burned ‘normally’. Then, as fast as that happened, the vision swooped upwards like a barn swallow wheeling towards the distant cloudy horizon, and I had leaned back upright here at my work desk, an idiot grin on my face.

The whole thing took probably 20 seconds, but felt much longer, and by now, the Pom juice had evened throughout the water, and it was a simple shell filled with pinkish water.

However, the thing that made this experience even more entertaining and caused me to have this almost idiot-grin this morning, was when I looked up from the shell and saw the after-image on my mostly white computer monitor.

It was a blue shell-thing, hovering across some work-note about our timecards.

Blue Thing. (referenced from this dream)
I laughed.

…of course it makes sense that the thing I was supposed to be looking for wasn’t a Thing at all. Tricksy Fae!

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