Maebius Musings

No words needed here.
This was an amazingly beautiful and heart-tugging PSA about seat belts.

1 Comment »

I’ve been working night-shift the last two weeks and it’s really odd, sleeping in short doses of 3 hours or so at a time, then being awake to hang out with the kid during the day, then sleeping a bit more, and from 4am-9am to be at work.   Makes you all sorts of foggy yet hyper-alert to subtle nuances of life.  I’m sure there’s a pharmacological alternative that does the same, though I doubt it would be legal. 

The past two days I’ve had a variation on the same dream, and last night’s was so absolutely clear and vivid, with very ‘real’ feelings of touch and taste and sound, that I had to write it down.  (Enjoy, Nettle!)  The first night it ended with catching the thief (see below) but last night started over again with almost no changes.   If I were more artistic I actually can recall with almost perfect clarity many of the images in this dream.  Usually I just remember snippets and vague impressiongs.   So since it still feels “important” to me, I’ll write it all down here for you.

Feel free to comment with your interpretations, as always.  Sorry for some more inside-references to Philly stuff and movies that you might not get unless you know me personally in real life.

It starts with myself, my wife, my son, and Nettle living in a small efficiency-style apartment within some large self-contained structure.  Almost “Star-Trek TNG” or similar setting, as far as the feeling of containment.   Outside, the door opened to a hallway of clean stainless steel that was not quite like a hotel without windows.  (Nettle, very like the bathrooms at that Indian buffet in Philly)  All the ‘dorms’ were in a grid around the outside of the hall, with an elevator or connecting hall to another “grid” of living quarters.    I knew without dreaming it that each ‘grid’ of 18-24 homes was named and themed somewhat, though not strictly.  I also knew the map of this place would map out an online MUD setting with real life as the theme of the game.

Our little area was mainly middle age folks, though some college-age and a larger number of not-quite-elderly.  Everyone I saw in the dining area, which looked like a fancy retirement home cafeteria, was wearing casual clothes and vaguely unconcerned with life.  If you’ve seen “Dollhouse” on FOX, think of the Tabula Rasa state, and it’s a decent match.  Our grid also had a big common room behind frostted glass doors in which people could do yoga or dance, etc.  Very austure yet colourful.  Basically like a Yoga retreat center now that I think about it, without the focus on yoga.

At some point near the beginning of the dream, I returned to my room and met Nettle and my wife stating that some ‘newspawn’ who popped into the place (literally, in this ‘game’ new people pop into Life fully grown) and was running around entering any unlocked doors and stealing things.  He had last gone [west] towards the University (another adjoining Grid of living spaces populated more by smart, attractive,  politically/business motivated young leader-types).

I moved through the rooms+halls quickly and caught sight of the unkept and ragged young man as he ducked into a traditional college dorm-room.  We entered and I grabbed his arm as the occupant of the room pinned him down.  We then found ourselves in the ‘principal’s office’ where a smartly dressed lady in a power-suit advised the thief that his next character should read the manual more carefully.  Nothing wrong with stealing, as it’s in the game mechanics, but he would do better playing nicely at first.

The, I was able to walk around the University area helping return a pile of small trinkets and wierd code-objects we picked off the thief, who was left in the principal’s office to be ‘educated’.  All this was more behind the scenes and had a vague sense of spookiness with an over-militarized sub-text.   No ill-feelings or sense of this group being enemies or opposed to my own Grid, just an awareness that different areas had different mini-cultures and I really didn’t fit in here.

I was suddenly back ‘home‘ and found my rommates gone to dinner, which happened to suddenly be the same common-room as my home-grid, but now hugely expansive and open  like a food court and having many little sections with different trees or seating areas with various little touches of decor.

I didn’t see them, but did step up to a large table of middle age folks chatting over tea and trading sewing tips or photos of their trips.  They had the casual air of my home-grid, but were unfamiliar faces.  On the pillar next to the table was a fancy wall-hanging consisting of a chuck of driftwood with a few silk flowers and ribbons on it.  Nothing too fancy, but a step above the type of paintings in a hotel lobby.  

I felt myself drawn to the chuck of wood, thinking it was the wrong shape and missing a peice that had broken off where a knot was, so I traced my fingers across it and did some kind of mindless and quite natural twiddling of my finger, and re-shaped the wood to look more correct.  Nothing major, in my mind.  

Yet suddenly, one of the occupants of the table seemed quite agitated and called a nurse over to help her out.  The table, and myself, was now back in a more sterilized nursing-home-like setting of our Grid, and a kindly assistant pulled me aside and warned me that such displays were quite frowned upon and should be reported to the Captain before any silly rumors start.   I was midly worried to meet the ‘Captainr’, which is the wrong word, but I can’t remember the term used in my dream yet felt like ‘Captain of the ship’.

Then we (me, wife, & Nettle, kid was not there) were back in our ‘home’ and preparing for a big event that evening.  I mentioned my woodshaping ability and was told matter-of-factly that random talents like that were fairly common, but usually not manifested so easily unless I inhereted both genetic mutations.  Most people had to create quite a few characters before they got one like that, and most had more direct-stat real-life applications such as strength, or inltellect, or reduced training costs for skills.  Again, the sense of being a character in an online MUD was there, but not fully formed in my head during the dream. I knew in that strange dream-logic that this was a game, but was also Life, and felt a bit more relaxed knowing it was a dream now and the University and Grid lifestyle were probably archetypes of something.  

 Nettle then had a presentation on stage for her sorority (more a sisterhood of young pagan scholars than a standard college sorority).  She was nervous about speaking in public, and worried that her (Valedictorian?) speech to the assembly would be ignored or some-such.  She magicked herself into a fancy new outfit, and looked stunning. (An evening gown kinda like this but more risque in shimmering electric blue with black belt, deep V-neck and open back, long dark-blonde wavy hair with diamond barettes, high HIGH heels, etc.  )  My wife and I also dressed up in more “business Casual” attire.  Myself, black slacks and a really nice silk or linen shirt with a nicely embellished suede vest.

As we left, my wife and I exchanged a wordless glance to acknowledge we’d support Nettle and I lightly traced a big flowery R in the inside of our home’s doorway.   The wood grain shifted to form the letter, complete with extra vine swirls and “illuminated Capital” frills. Nothing too fancy, but definitely stood out when seen in the correct light.    I felt a bit of worry or axiety for using this Talent so selfishly, without telling the folks in charge, but it was also felt to be “good” in the sense of an act done not in rebellion of rules, but in spite of them.

We then found ourselves at a large dinner-theater style setting, with immensely high ceilings and more ornamental trees arranged throughout the tables.  Each table was more a circle-bench like the booths in a corner of a restaurant, and the stage was in the center of the room, with the tables scattered nicely spaces around the perimiter.

At the first table we passed, my friend Varulv was there, who smiled to me as he sat with a Fraternity group of upwardly mobile friends.  They were all socially engaging people, actors, student government types, and such.  They were all the types of people who were financially successful and socially at-ease.  Simialr to the University Gridsters, but without that sense of Boarding School Overlording from earlier in the dream.   They all were drinking from a huge wash-basin-sized bucket (called a pitcher) of beer or something, using immense twirly straws.  This struck me as the coolest thing ever, to have in the future society, where everyone shared the drink.

Nettle sat with my wife and some random friends our age with a similar vat of beverage.  Ours was more orange yet still vaguely beer-coloured, and as I sat next to my wife and son, tasted like orange juice mixed with something sweeter like mango, and also rather alcoholic.  While I didn’t see any pulp, I got a few course chunks of sweet orange flesh in my mouth, and was enjoying it.  I could literally feel the pulp-bits in my dream, as I popped them in my teeth.  

Nettle smiles and asked if I liked the Splogg (the name of this popular beverage) and I agreed that it was good.   Up on stage, another young woman took the microphone to begin her singing and Nettle appeared slightly more agitated since she was to perform her speech after this song.

The woman was dressed similarly to Nettle though in a shimmering green/gold dress.  And started singing “Calling all Angels“  When she got to the chorus (…and IIII’m…) and more voices joined in from somewhere in the shadows, the magic started.  

Across the room, the table of University boys & girls stood up almost angrily.  Elsewhere, a group of older men in business suits knocked over their bucket of Splogg and stared in furious shock at the stage. Simultaneously, a nearby group of little kids let go of unseen balloons that drifted up and popped on the ceiling showing everyone with pixie-dust glitter.  From behind every tree, in the darkness, fireflies twinkled for a moment and vanished in a ‘pop’ of light.  Myself, I felt that tingling in my fingers and heck-hair-raising electricty of Power being raised.  The small potted bonsai on our table (never noticed that before) flexed and danced as my fingers twiddled of their own accord. 

When the singer was “Calling alllll angelllls“, about twenty people rose out of our seets, standing and smiling at one another beatifically.  Myself and my wife at our table.  Nettle and two other sorority sisters at the neighboring table (how’d she get over there so fast?), and others ranging in age from young 20s to late 90s.  All with Wise eyes and happy smiles.

Energy surged, and the song continued “I won’t give up, if you don’t give up“…. I felt a sense of anticipation that something wonderful was going to happen.

Then my alarm buzzed.    I stumbled up, had to make sure I swallowed the last bits of orange pulp that weren’t really in my mouth, and floated to turn it off.  Literally floated, or so it seemed, half-asleep and only recall my feet hitting the floor when I stopped the BEEPBEEPBEEP of the alarm.  It was 1am.

  ***

So, I’m calling all us Angels out there.   Work your magic.  Even if it’s warping wood or singing fireflies into being, use your Talents.  If the Principal gives you detention,  you won’t be there alone.  If you don’t give up, I won’t give up.  

1 Comment »

Sorry for yet another YouTube type post, but this was felt really, really important to me.

Last night, on the FOX show “So You Think You Can Dance”, which usually has lots of flashy entertaining routines, my wife and I broke down and cried.  Seriously.

The embedded video starts with a bit of lead-in to one particular routine that I believe gob-smacked everyone in the audience including the judges.  It’s one thing to say that Dance or any Art has the potential to move you, to affect your spirit, and emotions.  It’s another to see such beautiful chemistry in action.

There’s so much thought-provoking muse-worthy stuff bubbling under the surface every time I watch this (8 times now, not close to getting old), but the thing that jumps out at me the most strongly is “Abandon“.

For those suffering from disease or worry, reach out for help.  For those seeking to hide their pain inside to save the world around them, it’s OK to ask for a hug.

It’s ok to leap out across the stage, in total trust that someone will catch you.   To Embrace your power, and Abandon it all must be one of the most powerfully healing things I can imagine.

Watch the video below, and tell me you didn’t blink a few times.  It starts slower, but trust me, watch to the end of the routine.  (You can stop after the dance part if you want, the second half is the judges commentary)

http://www.examiner.com/x-12837-US-Headlines-Examiner~y2009m7d23-So-You-Think-you-Can-Dance-Breast-Cancer-video-with-Kate-Bush-and-Maxwell

Luckily, and thankfully, I never have had to deal personally with the topic of cancer, and may be guilty of glossing over the True Pain that such things bring to someone’s life and loved ones.   Still, that dance hurts to watch, if I think it only scratches the surface of the emotions Cancer brings, but in a strangely cathartic way.   It’s hauntingly beautiful.

I hope you agree.

1 Comment »

Quick ranty muse today… Just returned from the Beach and still working on unpacking, getting caught up of stuff like laundry and job-workload here, plus a spontaneous new-moon celebration last night….

While at the beach, and even driving home, I’d been thinking a lot about our recent adventures at Drum and Splash, and the related re-boot of my spiritual practice.  While it’s easy to say “work sucks”, it’s settling in my head that the issue is deeper than just disliking my current job due to stress and workload.  It’s a lack of gratification at my job, or something akin to a revulsion of the entire structure of “corporate life”.   It just doesn’t make sense, in a soul-healthy way.

I love the actual work stuff, such as fixing computers for people, and troubleshooting tricky software glitches.  It’s the hoops and red tape that prevent us in certain ways from helping, or resolving root-causes in leu of approved work-around fixes that messes with my happiness.

I don’t get it, beyond “contractual bottom-line-thinking”, these alien processes and thoughts in the name of “customer support”.

It also made me think of something I read recently by Aquila ka Hecate, who was paraphrasing Terence McKenna: “It’s one thing” he said “To change your life to become kinder to your neighbours. It’s entirely another thing to change your life to become incomprehensible to ninety percent of humans.”

It’s as thought I put on a pair of fancy amber-tinted polarized glasses recently.  The greens of the garden, the blue of the sky, and the fog rolling in over the ocean were clearer and more vibrant the longer I look.  Back at home, my workplace was cheery and welcoming, even as my own desk seemed somehow apart from the row of cubicles it belongs to.  Perhaps, because it is Mine, that it stands out in my heart and inner-eye.  Perhaps it’s the little scrying-shell shrine and potted plants that make it slightly less sterile compared to the paper-strewn neighbors.

Whatever the reason, I’m finding it more difficult to talk to my boss about such things as procedures and protocol.  Even this morning, my co-worker and I were called in for 1-on-1 chats to ‘coach’ us on something we need to start doing that will cause us more work for arguably little benefit beyond extra record-keeping and productivity charts.  Both of us feel this new database, a glorified hourly punch-card, serves nothing beyond making sure the two of us share the workload evenly (and other offices do similarly).  I explained my thoughts that if the work is done, and we can’t be trusted to be a team ourselves, what does the manager do? Why create a database that collects information from our workorders that we ALREADY fill out with minutes and time-spent?   The reason,  we are contractors, and our parent company doesn’t use the workorder system we use, so they need an outside method of tracking our time?!?!

Things like that, I just don’t understand.

At the beach, we brought a lot of food to cook ourselves, in order to save money by not eating out each meal.   The grass-fed beef, the garden veggies, and even the store-bought sides were almost tastier than those from the nearby diner (which was also very good).

Lunch, was either burgers or BLT sandwiches.  Sadly, the comment was made about needing to get some more tomatoes from the store, as the ones we brought were irregularly shaped and smallish.  We used them anyway, secretly in the next batch of sandwiches, which were found to be just as yummy and delicious as the other batch. Likewise, the steaks and burgers were tasty Without adding a packet of pre-mixed spices to them before cooking.

Is the world so commercialized that folks can not see beyond the supermarket?

Now that I’ve got my glasses on, and my eyes open,  I fear for the sanity of the wilder world more and more.   No wonder people stand is streetcorners with sandwich-boards proclaiming the End Times.

It’s not ending, but it’s gonna change whether we are ready or not.   I hope there’s enough of us wearing polarized glasses to continue our  party as long as we can, and get our day in the sun. 

5 Comments »

I’ve hesitated to keep this entry private, or post it for commentary, because it’s a bit more personal and still feels a bit scary for me.  Paradigm shifts are tough.     Forgive any rambling uncoordinated phrasing and paragraph structure. I’ve re-written it twice now since last Tuesday…    It’s a wall of text.

I’ve always loved fire circles.  Sitting around a campfire,whether roasting marshmallows with friends and family, or drumming and dancing for alchemical transformation, are soothing and soul-healing events in any flavour. Continue Reading »

2 Comments »

As a followup to this post, I’d like to describe a bit of the awesome magical experiences that were, well, experienced there.

First, let me just say that the Four Quarter Farm is one of the nicest places I’ve ever attended a festival, both mundane or pagan-friendly.  It’s a bit hilly, and my legs were a bit put off by the walking on Friday, but it was a good kind of sore. Continue Reading »

4 Comments »

Just testing a new widget I got which actually fixes the ability to embed YouTube and other video files in this blog.

As summer rolls on, remember to Dream carefree, and embrace the wonder of life.

That’s my goal for this July 4th.   To celebrate the freedoms we have in this country, reardless of it’s failings.

We are all immigrants here, all radical activists, and all different.    Celebrate it.  The best things are free, but free doesn’t always mean easy.

I am off to pack and prepare for Drum and Splash.  See you back online monday!

If you want more of my qwirky musical tastes,  here’s My Library on Last.FM   I’d recommend skipping ahead to random tracks, if you don’t like the one it loads.  I have a  pretty eclectic mix!    Enjoy!

No Comments »

As requested by Nettle, I’ve tried to do a lot more “receptive” sitting, rather than “directive” meditations for the past few days, and wanted to put a brief status report here, for commentary and my own records. Progress is unfinished of course (is it ever?!) but I’m noticing a trend I wanted to muse about.

At first, over the weekend, I had a little success with such things.   I tend to just try listening to the surroundings, feeling the breeze, and such, but it always seems slightly shallow.   I exist, and I relax, but the nagging bit of my brain continues to pester me about Doing something.  It’s going to be a tough nut to crack, after decades of training otherwise.     Still, I consider the attempts a success if I merely relax, de-stress, and end the session feeling a little more grounded and present, even if no overwhelming (or subtle) energetic flows are detected.

Then, last two nights, utilizing a hunk of magnetite and a small crystal to help balance and tune in to energies (as suggested elsewhere), I felt something different than my normal mundane-ness.   I felt sloshy.

You know that feeling when you are driving with a soft tire, or a slightly icy road (or perhaps buzzed on alcohol) where you still have control of the car, but turns seem a bit loose and, well,  sloshy?  That’s how I felt.  I was able to recreate it today too at work, by sitting alone in the computer room for 5 minutes.  The world was wobbly, but in somewhat of a good way, yet still kinda scary due to a vague loss of control.  I couldn’t focus on the feeling much, other than experience it, and I’m not entirely sure it feels “correct” if that makes sense.

To shake the sloshy feeling, I decided to try a more directed Shield/Egg/Circle -meditation, since it felt a bit more familiar.  But that still felt flat and only canceled out the slosh by waking up my inner-critic.

I’m still thinking to myself something else should be happening, as described in the various books, conversations, and such.  I should be feeling a flow of energy, a grounded connection with the Universe, or a lightening of the spirit.  Instead, I get a sense of chaotic almost-control….   Sloshy.

Hmmm….

(cue inner-critic complaining I’m doing it wrong, then bash him upside the head with self-rationalization, and stir 2 parts overtired giddiness.  Pour over ice-doubt and drink.  That might explain things too. )  Seems I need quite a bit of practice in these new techniques.

1 Comment »

Inspiration From my Hops Bine about Life
Written over the weekend, while working night-shift at work, and conceptually inspired during the Full “Strawberry” Moon while I sat outside staring at the sky.

The spring warmth and fires of inspiration call to your mind, stirring you to action, towards results, towards your Goal.  Softly, yet with the speed of new-found excitement, you spread the first green leaves of purpose out, collecting the sun, gathering energy for the final project, and setting the groundwork for the work to come.

Your roots, anchor in the the landscape of your life, drawing in the richness that surrounds you.  Harnessing the bounty of Gaia.  The minerals, the organic life that has gone before you, fueling your fire, holding you as you reach out towards Creation.

And reach out you do.  Tendrils of greenery, seeking purchase on the supports placed around your life.  Climbing, ever upwards towards your results, and enveloping the potential with ever-growing leaves.

Summer stretches onward, and your goal is in sight.  The efforts of the climb are not in vain, and have graced you with vibrant energy, from the sun, from the earth, from the winds, from the rain even.  Brief storms have only thickened the vines you cling with, and the hot dry days only illuminate your leaves further.

Days, weeks, months even may pass, but time passes and you persevere.

The first buds sprout out, in joyous celebration.  The energy you harnessed is confirmed to form. Your goal, whatever it may have been in this analogy of life, is finally at hand.

Creation happens.

You flower.

…

The wind turns cooler, and rains frequent the ground you grow upon.    You reap the harvest of your actions.

Snows may come, blanketing the core of you.  Seeming to bring death to those vines which prospered so recently and bore fruits and flowers.   But death to those simple vines merely paves the way.   Winter is a mere sleep, a regathering of light, and a watering of the earth you lie upon.  Your roots remain strong and vibrant.

While the harvest you created is lost to Time’s relentless arrow, it lives on in memory and muse.

One day, soon, spring will dawn again.

A new project inspires you.

You flower again.

..and again.

Timeless.

this is magic.

-Maebius   @2009

2 Comments »

Saturday, we attended the spring Share Festival. Camping, bands, and cool people in a safe family-friendly park just hanging out and chilling for a time. Of course, unfortunately, the weather was a bit less than ideal for such outdoor adventures, so we spent most of the caravan trying to stay dry.

During the day it was a bit clearer, and I spent a good deal of time just laying in the bed and playing Pokemon Diamond on the shared DS system. My wife finished book 4 of Twilight, and we kept an eye on our son who spent a good 3 hours in the playground area of the park being a kid and enjoying time with other kids under minimal supervision. He absolutely LOVED the free range kid-time, and only wandered back to the campsite a few times for a snack or to ask us to help him in the porta-potties.

That evening, with the band jamming until 11 and the rain getting progressively more monsoon-like, we all retired to the caravan to sleep. I sat for a time in the front seat, just watching the trees sway in the darkness and listening to the pounding rain on the rooftop.

The wind grew, and the outside faded to a grey wall of vaguely shifting shadows. Buckets of water poured around us, and it was hard to hear myself even think, much less try to quietly meditate. Instead, I tried to just shut off my brain and lose myself in the white noise.

Branches peered out from the darkness, then were gone, then back again. The noise, at first a seemingly constant din of pounding drops,could be heard to ebb and flow, rise and fall in a complex pattern of wind and water. The car itself rocked and shuddered at each gust, resounding at times with a furious -CRACK- from the tarp tied over the back window for easier dark-sleeping.

I felt a primal exhilaration in the tempest, and released my mind to it. I danced among the storm-whipped treetops. I flashed with the thundering flashes of lightning, and I hovered, darting amidst the other campsites as some alien hummingbird seeking nectar from the tents around us.

For a time, not sure how long, having no clocks in this stormy darkness, I darted and played, mentally, in the wild energies around us, then returned my focus to the car-seat again, smiling like a fool, and giddy with the power raised and tingling in my fingers.

I found I had been unwinding a length of hemp twine that had been leftover from one of my son’s crafts earlier that day. I had unwoven it to single thin strand, and then knotted the strands together again into a long chain. This, I suddenly felt, would go around my wrist. Each knot typing up some of this wildness and empowering it as a potent charm. Wordlessly, I tied the finished bracelet around my wrist, knowing it was imbued with Potential, and would be worn as a reminder of the Charm until it fell off.

Because it is meant to fall off, probably within the next week, as the strands are thin and already frayed. If the weather reports are to be believed, it will be sunny and much warmer than when it was created.
The storm will have passed. It will be free.

((good luck B, this one’s for you))

No Comments »