Maebius Musing

******  UPDATE:  Photos added to bottom.  ******
This weekend, my nephews came to visit (along with my sister and Brother-in-law of course), for a casual weekend of lounging around, playing outside, and cooking hearty stew for dinner while the leaves danced their chameleon polychromatic samba.

It was lots of fun, and the kids even played pretty well together.  (At 6, 5, and 3 there were a few expected melt-downs of I WANT THAT TOY, but overall they got along great!)

We had some fun ‘excitement‘ then on Sunday! 
Apply your physics knowledge to the following scenario:

Old building used to be chicken Shed prior to us living there.
Floor approx 1ft deep of dry-on-top, rotting-below sawdust and generations of bird poop.
Building used to store paper-trash out of the rain for future bonfire use.
Add long series of misty rainy days which dampened the very bones, followed by unseasonably warm sunny day.
Stir in “raking up the floor-trash” and moving larger bags of paper to proper bonfire area.
Create lovely oxygenizing air pockets under the sawdust/poop mixture.

Result: composting nitrogen-rich kindling starts smoldering, quickly turns to outright Floor O’ Flame, and then the dusty poop in the air catches.   >POP< goes the sudden vaccuum,  and then the walls ignite.  We were dragging the hose out of the cellar for the smolder/mini-fire, but gave up quickly (obviously) and turned to "keep the grass nearby wet".

It was pretty cool, and while not exactly planned, we HAD been considering tearing down that building in two weeks. 

Half hour later, the fire trucks show up to help put out the billowing pile of tires and old shingles next to the building's cement foundations.   *sigh*

A few pictures, just for your enjoyment.....

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By the moon we sport and play,
With the night begins our day,
As we dance the dew doth fall:
Trip it, little urchins all!
Two by two, and three by three,
And about go we, and about go we!

-By John Lyly

This weekend, we are going to FaerieCon in Philadelphia, with some good friends of ours.

We went last year, and had a wonderful time, and the sprogling remembered the costumes, and drinking Bubble tea in chinatown afterwards, so is likewise all excited to attend.   He said he wants wings this year, and I figure he might wear his sundress from Starwood, if the weather holds, though that particular point is up for debate. 

For myself, I have a surprise set of horns to wear (have not seen them yet) custom-crafted by the Kwitchery Witch, and my Amerikilt.   Yes, there will be pictures after we get home!

That’s all for now.   Enjoy your weekend!

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I have been asked recently by one of my readers about my early path,since I’ve made mention of a christian upbringing.  So here is the condensed story of my Footsteps… I will try to keep basic jargon to a minimum, but can discuss further questions/details to anyone offline if they wish.

Sit down, this may get wordy…..

When I was young, my family went to the Lutheran Church of the Good Shepherd each sunday, every sunday.  We weren’t totally religious, and saw church as more of a community bonding experience, and a tradition.  In some ways, I miss this.

When I was old enough to start really questioning my spirituality, and had gone to Sunday bible school classes, I really did feel there was a deeper energy going on during the services.  The hymns, especially the more energetic ones were inspiring, even if the congregation singing was a bit pitchy/offkey.  It was, as I’d describe it now, magical.   Of course, my only framework for such explainations was to be feeling the presence of God.

This led me to persue extra-curricular activities within the church.  I offered to help out, in my young teen years, as an assistant minister.  This job mostly involved holding the little carrying case for communion cups (our church used little shot-glasses to drink the wine, which were passed out/collected as the congregants approached the altar).  We got to wear the cool white robes with long thick rope-belts.  We sat behind the altar along with the real pastors, and we got to process in at the start of service and light the candles on the altar.  All the fun cool stuff of ritual!

Eventually, I stayed involved, and while not being ordained as a Full pastor/priest, I took quite a few bible-study classes and delved deeper into a personal relationship with the Higher Power.  I earned the priviledge of doing readings from the gospels during church service.  The full sermon was done by the head pastor, but I got to read at the altar passages from the bible, usually a good full page or so.   I also was able to pass out the bread and wine during communion.  (Not quite Bless and make simple bread/wine trans-substantiate, but close enough!)

There were also the little things, like standing near the pastor with towels during baptisms, and such.  It was an important ‘job’, and really made my church-life much more solid and community-minded.   In many ways, I miss this.

Throughout this whole experience, I expanded my bible and comparitive religion studies.  I attended catholic High Mass in Washington DC, I attended two Jewish synagogues, one rather liberal Muslim Mosque, and met with a Bhuddist pradtitioner who came to our church for three weeks sharing his own beliefs.

I learned a lot, and the scholarly study of spiritual practices formed quite a big part of my current Pagan practice.  I saw the similarity of all monotheistic faiths, and that once you strip the dogma from them, they easily can easily incorporate the Druidic/Pagan Path in terms of lifestyles and kindness.

Unfortunately, once I went to college I had a momentary crisis of faith, and felt my ’straying’ from the Church to be a source of guilt.   I still felt the spiritual power of church communities, I felt the awe that our natural world has wrought, and I was moved by the magesty of nature, as God made it.   But the face of God became less personal, and more immanent, rather than transcendant.  Jesus, as taught by the protestant church, was supposed to be important, and I saw him more as a good teacher and inspired avatar of God, in the sense we are all divine, rather than a direct dogmatic “Son of God” and intermediary to the Father.   It’s complicated, and could easily be it’s own novel, but that’s a decent summary.

Due to this vague undefined guilt, I threw myself into the born-again movement, having met up with some friends who lived nearby and walked similar social circles outside of thier church.   One was an Assembly of God adherent, and a nice girl, until she turned Fire & Brimstone on me.  But the group I hung out with was fun, and not overly preachy in general, unless approached about their beliefs.   We were more interested in living the Good life, going to movies and playing monopoly rather than smoke and party like our “fallen peers’, and offering a welcome hand to join our weekend bible-debate meetings without forcing our hand into theirs.

My thoughts, as I rationalized it internally, was that by surrounding myself with good Christian folks, my faith would solidify again.  I’d re-find that connection with God I lost, and see Jesus as more of a savior again, instead of a Really Inspiring Guy.

It was during this period that I listened almost entirely to christian rock, or easy-listening radio stations.   When in Rome, as they say…  There is a LOT of good music out there in this genre, and still listen to a “Jars of Clay” CD I have.  It’s inspiring decent music.   (Seriously, listen to the Flood or Love Song track with an open mind, and it’s good music, though Love Song is a bit more churchy.)

Years passed, I moved to a different university, and started exploring the local wiccan scene.  The christian thing just got too false, and I got discouraged.   Wicca didn’t exactly match my internal thoughts, but it was new, and completely different from the ‘other religions’  I studied back as a minister.

Through the wicca studies, I found the tools and language of ‘magick’, which made a ton of sense in explaining my feeling of energy and power during church decades ago.  I finally had the words to describe how I felt and how I acted, and the path before me suddenly offered branching trails of druidic study, eastern philosophy, and new age spirituality.

I still noticed that many of the younger ‘covens’ seemed to be christians in goth clothing (no offense to wiccans!) where God was replaced by a Goddess, and the rituals changed from candles and bible to candles and elemental circles.  Still, it had validity again, and I dove in with abandon.

There was a brief period where I was meeting with a fun pagan girl, partying at their house, and indulging in a bit more hedonistic tendancies, learning all about deeper magic (not sex, Big Cermonial Rituals) and really starting to feel the Power again.  It was like a drug, leading me to hang out with them a bit moreoften than I should have, and using drunken wine-evenings and powerful circle castings each week as an escapist activity.

I learned all about ancient herbalism, and how plant-based drugs could open a door to the Otherworld, yet still held back in my own experimentation out of a nagging guilt from church-raised purity.   Then, one day, I got dosed without my knowledge, and abruptly cut off contact with that group after waking then ext morning in a drugged stupor.  The door had been thrown open, and I definitely saw the Other side, but it was scary and Fierce.

More years passed, and I kinda shut down spiritually for a while.  I slowly integrated all the past experiences I had, and re-formed my beliefs into something resembling my current philosophy.   I got over the shock and ‘betrayal’ of the flying oil incident, and actualy saw how such things could be useful in gaining a perspective of things if used properly.  Still, I didn’t dare seek out that type of thing, and preferred to just Be.  I’d light a candle every so often, or stop to watch the sunset, but stopped actively Worshiping in any outward way.

I moved to Philadelphia, met up with a friendly priestess-type girl, and tenatively stepped back into that world, still unsure about where my Path led, and unsure if it even was This path, and not one I’d already stepped off previously.    I gained experience with a gentler side of Pagan/wicca-ish spirituality, and divination. I still had a few minor moments of scary-ness, but it was never forced, and made a huge difference in helping my confidence with this subject matter.

More years pass, and I am invited to attend Starwood in 2002. (wow, it’s been that long?!)   More so than ever, I found myself surrounded by practitioners of ‘alternative’ spirituality, far outside the bounds of my youthful church-going worldview.  It was amazing!   Even among the nearby campers who may follow different faiths, it was Safe.  There was no judgement, no condescending Guilt from cross-faith adherents, and the possibilities of the universe were nascent and visceral all around me.

The Divine Power of a good congregation-hymn was back, carried now on drumbeats, and by flickering firelight.   A sacred tea ritual took on deeper meaning, and the Otherworld door opened wide again.  This time, I was more mature, more learned, and more confortable with myself.  I stepped through.   I spun glow-stick poi until the grey of first-dawn touched the distant horizon.  I came Home.  I felt God again.  He was here.  We were him.

I still see a Higher power as a male creator-figure, though only to personalize what is essentially a boundless potential.  We are all part of the divine, which is why even back in the church of my youth, I could feel that Power.   It is divine to gather, to combine our energy towards the creation of Good.

In some way, my beliefs never really changed from way back in my early tween years.  I just have the right words and experience to frame it properly.  I can drink in the wonder and Magical Mystery that is Life.

May you never thirst.

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As the moon rises over the frosty autumn backyard, I stand shivering in my PJ’s watching our puppy do her business. The time is approximately 1:15 am. Early Monday morning. Too early to be up. This was the image of the tree, looming against the night sky, silhouetted by reflected stardust and moonbeams from the icy clouds above. (This is the tree that sustained a bit of damage along the right-most branches from the recent fire, and is visible in full daylit glory on that posting.)
I was really quite taken with the view, and smacked into a Awe-struck reverie as this background to this witnessing suddenly included a long drawn out coyote howl-yip from the woods nearby.

So, for today’s musing, a simple little thought.

Take a moment this evening after the sun sets, even with the cold and frosty weather as the autumnal chill envelops you, and look outside.   Find a tree, (even in the city, you should see some branches along your street, or the next block over) and pause for just a moment to look at it.  Really look.  See the branches, possibly bereft of leaves, possibly still wreathed in fading foliage, and consider that it’s still alive, ready to bloom in a few months.

Perhaps you could then expand that musing into the rst of your life.  Times are tough right now, don’t doubt that.  Winter may come faster or slower, depending on the whims of Climate change, but it is coming.   Depending where you live, it may be mild or harsh, but it’s still winter.   Afterwards, though, if we are smart and send our roots deep into our foundations of community, culture, and spirituality, Spring will bring out our blossoms again.

I love my backyard tree.
http://images.allmoviephoto.com/2006_The_Fountain/2006_the_fountain_030.jpg

(Unfortunately, the colours got a bit over-saturated in our camera due to the low light conditions.   I tried to get a slow shutter speed configured, but it made the neon worse for some reason, and monochrome exposures just turned a low-contrast grey.  WTB better camera.)

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This year things seem particularly jumbled and confused.   Maybe it’s the recent mercury retrograde shifting back to ‘normal’ this week?  Maybe it’s the fact that one of the more viscerally important Presidential elections is happening next week, combined with the economic downturn, the peak oil stress, and all those other factors mushing together to form one energetic MESS!

Even the weather can’t make up it’s mind, having our first good snowfall, heavy winds causing some areas to still be without power after a day, and then today turning sunny with a temperature of 60F.  the snow’s still clinging to shadows, but it’s a losing battle, so mud is expected everywhere for tonight’s candy-fest.

Whatever the cause, my mind is reeling this past week.  I feel in such a fog, and can’t quite seem to concentrate on anything spiritual, house-workal, or employmental.   It’s wierd.  There is no single stress-point that I could pick out and say “I’ll handle this thing” and cause a return to normalcy, so it’s hard to even focus on a solution right now except to work on my work stuff,  wash dishes at home, and play World of Warcraft at night intil my brain slows down enough to sleep.

I feel over-caffeinated, with only drinking ice water, and water is craved in flooding proportions.   I just can’t feel hydrated the past few days either.   Soda, Coffee, or tea this week brings on a huge headache.
I digress though….. it is a festival holiday after all.

Last night the sprogling and I went ot the neighbors house for a “Haunted Garage”, which consisted of a wonderfully un-spooky and kindergarden-friendly garage turned into a small maze of black plastic-tarp hung from the ceiling.  The ‘hallways’ were twisty-turny, lit with string lights and flashing pumpkins and silly ghosts.  All the kids from school showed up and the place was packed.

Outside, they had cider, candy-apples, and a gazillion  types of cookies pot-lucked from the elementary-parents.   Of course, after running through it with me, the kid decided that the swing-set out back was just as fun, and spent most of the night swinging and sliding in the dark with one of his friends.

Back home, we carved the traditional jack-o-lanterns.  I’ll have images up tomorrow, since the last two are being finished up later tonight, prior to an epic Trick-or-Treat near the school.

As far as Spiritual musings, I feel so disconnected that I’m looking quite forward to allowing myself to helplessly get swept up in the commercial candy-frenzy for now.

Later this weekend, and closer to astrological Solstice (Nov 6th this year), I plan on trying to ground enough to contemplate the Veil, and offer my proper remembrances to those who crossed over.  Right now, the thought of such things makes me either tear up, or feel unhealthily giddy and irreverent.

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