Maebius Musing

We had some wonderful friends of ours stop up to visit recently, and have scheduled out some camping trips, and a Starwood Vacation this summer. He’s an engineer, she is an awesome “The Body Shop” saleswoman. (I love their Satsuma line). They have a 2yr old son, and watching their style of parenting gave me a good pondering for my own…

(The below is not meant to challenge or downplay the discussed strategies in parenting, merely highlight some differences to my own method, and ponder in an intelligent manner. I welcome debate. Please leave egos at the door, ye sibling/friend reading this!)

It’s interesting to see how different folks bring up their children, and if looked at in an unbiased manner, allows me to change our own thoughts and techniques. Parenting is an evolving art, and no amount of books can prepare you for the squiggly details of day-to-day parenting. It’s fun, it’s frustrating, but it’s entirely awesome to go through.

One big thing we do with our son is allow him to sleep in our room, and even our bed, whenever he wants. Granted, I’ve often lost sleep from from blunt-foot trauma to my nether-regions, fought the sleepy cover-theft-tango, and such, but we enjoy nestling in at night with a story and seeing a little face yawn and close his eyes right by the crook of his arm. We also are pretty well entrenched in the “mom or dad goes to bed with him” routine. If we are watching a movie, or playing outside, weekend bedtimes tend to stretch a bit later than “officially recommended”, but we sleep in the next day.

We’ve maintained that when he gets older, and school starts up full-time, there will be a period of weaning from this system, as he will need to get up before our current schedules allow for. I fully expect a week of hell when bedtime shifts closer to 7pm and it’s “Still light outside!”. I’m prepared to sleep in his room on the floor. However, even now, there are days when our little one actually requests to go in his bed. (This usually lasts until the midnight pee-time, whereupoin he’s back in our bed, but that’s easy enough to redirect when we bring him up to lay down again).

I see the Pro of the [perceived] mainstream method of “kid in own room, at own bedtime, good night now, shut door.” It gives the kid a set routine, which is important. It allows parental quiet-time in the evenings to work, chat, or whatever. In some part of my brain, I’d rather like that, but our current schedule with the wife waking at 5:30 is one factor our basic “mom and kid go sleep in bed now”. Yours truly then gets to stay up a bit later and play on the computer, or dry dishes, in peace.

It’s an interesting balancing act, between structure and coddling. There are many other things we do which seem odd and even “wrong” to some folks I know. We play video games for an hour if he’s been good at school. Some say games are just setting him up to be a TV/gamer junkie when he’s older. Yet we do limit the time. What weekend visitors do not see is the mid-week fuss when he wants to play and we enforce the ‘No’. I’m a huge proponent of outside time, whether we work in the garden (which bores him to tears), or run around with a bat playing the current favorite-of-the-week “pretend”.

Yesterday, we walked the entire fence line, just my son and I, at his lead, pretending we were “adventuring dragons”. My legs were not up for it, and there was plenty to do back home, but it was “Daddy hour” so I hiked through tall grasses and dodged ubiquitous thorn clusters. We found such geographic realms as (A)Reed Forest (near the pond), (B)Buttercup Field, (C)Spyro Flower Hill (so named because of unidentified purple flowers), (D)Thorn Path, and (E)Cow Skull Treehouse, and finally (F)Tree Slide Hill. This was a ton of fun, and something we encourage, though a family member expressed concern with encouraging him to wander so far away from the house.

There are many other examples I could toss out, such as snacking throughout the day, eating something different for dinner (Not that we allow just anything for dinner if he doesn’t like what we have, he just gets bigger servings of sides), and such. Yet it all comes down to one point.

Structure vs Freedom.

There are many points along the bell curve, and I’m finding we fall distinctly on one foothill slope. Are we too far down one side? Perhaps. But I’ll hold my tongue and accept that there are many, many other points along the curve. Life is nothing if not diverse. I like how we live, and will support our son, even if he grows to become the complete opposite of us.
…and if you are at all interested in “The Dragon Adventure”, I’ve created a map using Google Earth. Labels are described above.

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As a bit of an experiment, I plan on taking an entire week off from the Intarwebs.

I’ve noticed my blog feed-reader has grown quite sizable, and it takes me a good 2 hours to scan through all the juicy things I’d like to read each monday.  More if I actually start commenting on things, which I tend to do if work allows.  Fark, Digg, Goggle Reader, Warcraft forums.  Too much time invested.

I’ve also been playing World of Warcraft a lot lately, and am about 2 hours away from DINGing the max level on my priest Kanandi.  This is huge to me, as whilke I’ve played casualy for years, I never made it to max level, while others in my guild have gotten one, sometimes, two characters within reach of lvl 70 in the past couple months.

Yet, the internet is not life.  It is a virtual life.   I need to take a breath and enjoy the real one a bit more.

So, I have set myself some rules.  This is not a complete and total disconnecting, since my employment requires I be online a lot.   Some of our sales reps use my gmail account to communicate with remote offices.  I also want to maintain contact with my friends Wren, Nettle, and Varwolf.  Friends fall under the “Real Life” clause after all. 

The rules:  Starting this Thursday, I will unplug from the majority of my online life, for a period of approximately two weeks, or the Full moon.  Permission hereby granted to extend this timeline as required.

I will limit my email correspondence to work-related activities, and members of the Zen-porch gang (varulv included).

I will limit my own Blog reading to Nettle’s Blog and Kwitchery.

I will not play World of Warcraft, with the exception of logging into my guild leader character once a week, for a MAXIMUM of one hour, in order to resolve any administrative banking stuff.  Grinding XP, gathering loot, and killing pixallated monsters are taboo for this time period.  That character will be stationed in the capital city near the mailbox, ONLY. (this I count as work-related because it is helpful to others in the guild and decidedly the least “fun” I have in the game.)

The time I generally spend playing online at night will be dedicated to either sitting outside (weather permitting) and meditating,  or sitting inside meditating on topics.   I have gotten too far out of the habit of quiet time that is not distracted by electronics.  Personal intervention is required if I want to be in shape for a planned ritual at Starwood.

….that’s it for now.  This blog will be fairly inactive for the next few weeks or month.  You’ve been warned.  Wish me luck.

/|\  Maebius

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As referenced in my prior post, I will be taking a self-prescribed holiday from the Intarweb.

I will still check my email, I will check blogs from my friends (Nettle, Kwitchery, etc), but otherwise my browsing will cease, and my online game playing will be generally suspended.

Originally, I was going to start yesterday, but World of Warcraft beckoned me.   I now have, as of Thursday evening, June 5th, 2008.  My first max-level character!!!   I know it seems petty, but with my playstyle, I was surprised I made it that far.  I’m always more than willnig to help lower-level guildmates,  to go questing and help collect 5 stacks of some crafting material in the starting zones, and the like.  Plus, I roleplay and fish, and dance, so I’m not into powerlevelling.   However, I’m there, and the excitement leading up to that DING was quite palpable.  It honestly feels like a huge achievement.  Like stepping back and looking at a garden you planted which is full of little green sprouts after weeks of digging, tilling, and weeding.   I made it.   Yay me.

Tonight, I’m going to see friends of ours in a locally filmed and produced movie (on the big screen!).  It’s not particularly my usual style of movie, and I fully expect the cheesy factor to outweigh much erudite enjoyment.  But, The Abandoned does play on the local theatre screen, with private tickets only.  Which I have to admire, for even helping get some guy who lives near me “published” like this.   Hope it’s not too bad a movie. 

So now, with that out of the way, I’m offline.   See you in two weeks!

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Recent emails discussing blogging, and such have supplied us with today’s tag-meme, and thus, my answers below.

What books do you read when you’re happy?

Hmm, hard to pin down a specific book, sine if I am happy it is most likely because I’m reading something new and fresh and exciting. Usually fantasy (such as Susan Cooper, Ursula LeGuin, Diane Duane, or Neil Gaiman… not “Dragonlance” or other high-fantasy stuff) or Sci-Fi type books. Fiction with a healthy dose of either philosophical underpinnings, or a pseudo-spirituality/mythology behind them. Currently reading the Chronicles of Narnia (Prince Caspian) to my son at night.

What books do you read when you’re sad?

Similar to the happy books, though when I am sad I generally do not read much.  If I do it is lighter fare, such as the ever-popular “So you want to be a wizard” books, or “Wizard of EarthSea”.  Also, huge fan of William Sleator for quick pick-me-ups.

What were your favorite childhood books?

Hmm, already mentioned, before I read this question.  William Sleator (”Interstellar Pig“, “House of Stairs” and “Singularity“) definitely, as well as Diane Duane’s “Young wizards” series.  These, plus “The Dark is Rising” series(no, NOT the stupid modern ‘Seeker‘ movie) formed a big part of my worldview.

What’s your i-die-tomorrow meal?

Hmm, really tough call.  Honestly, as I think about this, it really depends on the season.  In summery months, I would eat Herb Chicken Pasta or honey-mushroom chicken every other night.  (herby chicken breast, over alfredo sauce, peas, and penne)…(chicken breast coated with a gloppy mess of honey, mushrooms, mustard, worchestershire, whatever else is handy, and topped with melted swiss cheese)

In winter, I die for rooty stews with Burdock, carrot, and anything Thai-curry.

What’s your guilty food pleasure?

Hmm, either a fair trade organic dark chocolate with cran/blueberry bits, or of course…Pomegranate Powah.
What’s your guilty tv/movie pleasure?

For TV, probaby a toss up between “So You Think You Can Dance“,  or  “House“.   For movies, I’m still a sucker for “5th Element” and “Tank Girl”, though also could watch “Titanic” again (which I saw over 4 times in theatre) if I have to mention a guilty secret movie. 

Ok, tagging everyone who reads this.     Go!

-Me

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Related as a followup to this post right here.

I had planned to go a full 2 weeks with only checking online for work-related emails, and friend-related messages.  No other blogsurfing, no online gaming, nothing beyond quick scans and email replies to my close real-life contacts (who mostly also read this blog).

I broke my intarweb exile a two days early, mostly because I actually stopped looking at all my blogs and felt a pretty solid down-shift from the stress of “gotta check my email, gotta check my blogfeed, gotta check something else.  ZOMG I’m bored, lets surf the web for random shit“.

Honestly, I’ve read about “those people” and realized I’d started to become one.   Before leaving work, refresh feed reader after JUST refreshing it 2 minutes ago, froth at mouth, rinse, repeat….  Life is NOT that important to stay glued to my monitor, and I’m glad I did it.

I took a solid week and a half off from world of Warcraft and actually miss it, or, certain parts of it.   I found I missed the social aspect, chatting with some hilarious officers in my guild, being particularly punny with my Troll Nookni, and making bags free for the new alts we have in the guild.    That’s a huge reason I only recently hit max level on only one character after 3 years. I don’t play to kill things and quest. I play to network and RP after work.
What I did NOT miss was some other officers bailing because “Their Healer” was offline for over week and thus they wanted a better chance at seeing bosses die in instances.   Not a slam against them really, but I wish them well in their new home.  Dudes, just say you were looking around for progression, don’t just “Screw this I’m outa here!” in the middle of the week, M’Kay?  I won’t miss them much if they were truly relying on my character to make their gameplay fun.  That’s a good lesson from disconnecting….Perspective!

I also enjoyed a bit more time at home, just doing stuff with the family.   We went camping at Watkin’s Glen (beautiful!!), we gardened a bit, and I helped the sprog play LEGO Indiana Jones on PS2, or random imagination-games in his room.  I didn’t feel really rushed to bedtime, like I sometimes was.  I’ll admit, some nights if work was stressful, I jsut wanted to come home, put kid to bed and play online, not just WoW but random blogg-feeding.  It surprised me the selfishness that implied, and I’m glad for the escape from that escapism this week.

So, for now, I’m limiteing my online time to work for blog-reading, and two hours at night for home-computer.  If It’s Warcraft, that’s cool.  If I want to fiddle with other stuff like this cool online hand-drum lesson site?  Thats’ cool too.

The main lesson I took away from this experiement is I was overstretching my attention.  Started to feel crushed by “I didn’t read XYZ yet tonight?!?!”

and more importantly…..32 days until Starwood!

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Yay! Summer is in full swingand the day was long and summery.   Blue skies interspersed with puffy little clouds, then the traditional afternoon grey rumblings and windy “Get indoors NOW” rain threats.

Not much to report, as we were rather busy with daily life,  but it was spent mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, and otherwise fiddling with the land outside. Our little one spent a decent portion of the day in the old corn-crib (his “Smash House” lately) pretending to be The Increduble Hulk, and stomping through various parts of the rotten floorboards.  It’s truly amazing how stomping a weak bit of plywood until it becomes a hole, then spending a good 2 hours enlarging that hole to the limits of rotten-ness and stomp-strength could occupy a child of almost-5 in such a focused manner.  Kids R Kool!

In the afternoon, we went to visit our friend Meg, and got to see her sweetie’s house for the first time.  It’s a nice little place, a bit far down a windy road, tucked off to some forgotten sectino of the suburbs.   You wouldn’t expect to find a secluded little patch of woody fields essentially just off to the middle of “town”, which made the trip there kinda magical.   The yard was about as big as our front lawn and nestled in a little dip of the hillside to make the neighbors all-but-vanish.  With trees behind it stretching to “infinity’ (or 1.4 mile) and a cozy garden, combost bin, and fire circle + hammock, it was perfect!

There were a few kids there for ours to play with, and us adult types mostly jsut stood around and chatted.  We didn’t know many folks, but there were some gransparents, nad a lovely older woman in a wheelchair who devoured the snack we provided.

There was planned a spiral-dance with the kids, and a bag full of rattles, sticks, and such, but as soon as they were getting distributed, the wind suddenly gusted, black couds materialized out of the blue sky, and it the temperature dropped 5 degrees.  You know those times, where you can feel/smell the rain, and the ait itself gets charged with electricity?   I joked that if we danced right then, the final moments where everyone crunches together would be accented by the largest *CRAACK* of lightning, and a torrent of raindrops.   Many agreed, but as much as us younger adults wanted to do that, older wisdom prevailed and we moved the party indoors quickly before the gransfolks got soaked.

(Note, there were only approximately 42 large drops of rain which fell, by the time the frontline moved through, so no real torrents, which made us all laugh at the ‘paranoia’ a few minutes beforehand.)
Concerning snacks,  Doug and I made salsa and guacamole from “scratch” to bring to the party.   I’ve never actually make salsa from a recipe before, and always add a dash of vinegar to tarten it up, but I followed the recipe for the most part this time.  Turned out AWESOME! (Recipe below, and thanks Nettle for helping with tomato-processing questions).

The guacamole was our little guy’s favorite.   Three avacados, a heaping spoonful of light sour cream, a glop of lemon juice, smallish scoop of minced garlic, and a quarter of a chopped onion.   Stir to smoothish consistancy and serve.   The guacamole didn’t last long, and some of the older folks were mock-fighting the lady in the wheelchair since she kept surruptitiously moving the bowl onto her lap and lookis around innocently if someone held a chip out.  

All in all, a fun festive time!

Maebius’s new favorite homemade Salsa:

• 2 large tomatos
• 1/2 large onion
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro
• 1 whole garlic clove (we used about 2.5)
• 1 jalapeno pepper
• Chop all ingredients and mix together in bowl.  Let sit for 2 hours to allow flavour-mingling.  Eat!

We substituted some sliced peppers in oil that were leftover from last season for the fresh jalapeno, and added just over double the garlic recommended.   The whole mess looked suspiciously like Tabbouleh, but tasted much more like the topping Wren used for Bruschetta once.  Tart, not too tomato-y, yet very yummy!

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